More whining…

It’s midterm/essay time.  Sorry.

Also, I’m sick of Painter.  I want GIMP back!

Oh, and I just had an Oblivion relapse.  It’s passing though; I’ve already gone through the Dark Brotherhood, Arena, and Main storylines… the only one left that I really care about is the Mages’ Guild (and, to be honest, I’m kind of sick of it/it doesn’t fit my character).

I swear, I’ve got a backlog of about 10 decent strips ready to go.. they’re written, sorta sketched, kinda laid-out… All I need to do is put the time into finishing them.

This happens every year.  When I have time to spare, I waste it on video games or depressed wall-staring.  When I have no time, all I can think about is comic-drawing, photography, music, sports… all the things that I really do love and enjoy.  I mean, it’s not that I don’t recognize that time’s a wastin’… it’s just that I never feel like doing anything when I’ve got time enough to do everything.  It all becomes incredibly dull.

Of course, now that I’m busy and want to do all of the fun things that are currently blocked off, I feel extremely guilty about not taking the opportunity when it was presented.  This drains all interest out of school, and leads to complete apathy in class.  Seriously, I could care less about Greek and Latin right now.

I know that the languages are important for my degree, and that failing things is never ideal… but I sit in class wishing I had my tablet in front of me; I walk home and hate myself for not having my camera, for not capturing the autumn colours, or the fallen leaves on which perfectly formed water droplets can be seen.

I crave the freedom to do the things I love, but I know that – given that freedom – I’d sit around and do nothing.  I need work to define my free time, I guess.. it’s just unfortunate that things go from dead to blitzkrieg in a matter of minutes.  I suppose that’s only due to a lack of planning and discipline… but it’s just not in my nature to plan every second of my life.  I hate schedules.. I just recognize them as a necessary evil.

Maybe the problem is that I’m just not into my interests as much as I like to think.  Y’know, good enough for an amateur.. leagues away from pro.  If I found something that I truly loved, would there even be “free time?”  Or would it just be [insert activity here]-time 24/7?

I guess it doesn’t help that I’m consistently unhappy with my work in all areas.  I mean, it’s not as if I don’t take pride in the things that I do… it’s just that I always see room for improvement, or areas of personal weakness.  I get frustrated when some invisible wall places itself between me and progress, when – no matter how hard I try – I can’t fix “that one little problem!”

The point of all this is, that I really, really, reallly want to post an update.. I’m just having difficulty right now.  I’ll get it all sorted soon enough.  Anyway, that’s enough whining for the time being.

Later,

MJ


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